[Jenny points at a large piece of driftwood on the beach - it is a good six feet tall]
Jenny - What's that?
Mom & Dad - [simultaneous] Pizza box.
-----
[we are staying in an A-frame house. Jenny got the loft, which has five twin beds in a row]
Jenny - How come you all get bedrooms, while I have to sleep in the Tenement Museum?
Me - It's a hard knock life.
-----
[Jenny is studying abroad in Bulgaria in the spring]
Me - Are you taking Bulgarian?
Jenny - You think SUNY New Paltz offers Bulgarian? No one offers Bulgarian. Even Harvard doesn't offer Bulgarian.
Me - I bet they do.
Jenny - I bet they don't.
Me - Five dollars says Harvard offers Bulgarian.
Jenny - You're on.
[ten minutes later, from the other room]
Jenny - Son of a... There's a goddamn Bulgarian dance team!
-----
Jenny - I accidentally said one of our strange family expressions to a stranger yesterday.
Us - Uh oh.
Jenny - I told a lady in the restroom that she's a better man than I, Gunga Din. She left muttering to herself "Gunga Din?" This was at the therapist's office, by the way.
-----
Mom - I see, said the hammer.
----
Jenny - I told JRB about the time you played Mama Rose when you were 8. He said that he was writing a himself note to call Arthur Laurents tomorrow and tell him.
Me - That's awesome! I have to tell Ben.
Jenny - He'll just be pissed that Arthur Laurents knows who you are and not him.
Daddy - Not if Arthur Laurents sues you for performing Gypsy without the rights...
-----
And a re-post of the classic, from Thanksgiving 2006:
Mom: The Salvation Army is coming at noon to take the sofas.
Me: What?
Mom: The sofas in the living room. They smell like the dog, it's time to
get rid of them. So the Salvation Army's going to come get them.
Me: But... we have 14 people coming for Thanksgiving tomorrow...
Mom: Right. Can't have them sitting on smelly couches.
Me: So instead they'll stand?
Mom: We have folding chairs.
- one hour later -
Salvation Army guy: The big sofa is too stained, sorry.
Me: Mom, why don't you give them twenty bucks and ask them to carry the
sofa outside so the city can come take it?
Mom: I don't want a sofa on the front lawn when we have people coming.
- two hours later -
Me: Mom, what are you doing with the sofa?
Mom: I changed my mind.
Me: We'll never get it through the door ourselves.
Mom: Your father will be home in an hour.
- one hour later -
Dad: #$^$%&@#$%@!
- one hour later -
Dad: Wait, tilt it towards me... no tilt the top... now pull the bottom
left towards you...
Me: We're gonna die.
(Jenny: Keep it down, I'm sleeping.
Mom: It's four in the afternoon!
Me: We're gonna die.)
- one hour later -
Dad: Maybe if we saw the legs off...
- one hour later -
Buttons: ::finally notices we're taking his sofa::
Buttons: ::freaks out::
Buttons: ::goes back to sleep::
- finally -
Mom: We did it! The couch is gone!
::everyone does the "Friends" couch pile-on::
- later -
Neighbor: Do you guys know there's a couch on your lawn?
