Today I learned that
1) someone recently visited my blog through Googling the query "are rabbits inauspicious?", and
2) my blog is the first hit for the query "are rabbits inauspicious?"

So I rather feel I should expound a bit on this subject. Are rabbits, in fact, inauspicious?

The first question to address is really "inauspicious for whom?" On the one hand, rabbits are very soft, which doesn't really bode well for them. On the other hand, bunnies must really enjoy cuddling with one another. So, dear mystery-reader, if you return seeking further insight on the auspiciality of bunny rabbits, please clarify your terms and I will see what I can do.

And what's with all the carrots? What do they need such good eyesight for anyway?

The Second Shooter

This is a random little sketch I wrote awhile back, upon learning a new vocabulary word and determining that Aaron Sorkin could probably milk that moment for a solid minute of airtime. I decided to do the job for him. I'm pretty sure I'll never have reason to use this sketch in anything, so I'll share it here.

ONE: So I was reading this book about the genealogy of pygmies in the Pacific Northwest –

TWO: You were reading a book about the genealogy of pygmies in the Pacific Northwest?

ONE: Yes.

THREE: There are pygmies in the Pacific Northwest?

TWO: Genealogically.

THREE: Ah.

ONE: Don’t you want to ask me why I was reading about pygmies in the Pacific Northwest?

THREE: I rather assumed you were attending a midget convention in Seattle.

TWO: They prefer “little people.”

THREE: I prefer supermodels, but we can’t have everything.

ONE: Well the library sent me the wrong book from the thing.

TWO: You meant to read about the genealogy of slightly larger people, then?

ONE: No, I wanted the biography of the man who invented paperclips.

THREE: I can see the confusion.

TWO: Why does the library even have books about the genealogy of pygmy paperclip inventors? Who reads that?

THREE: He does.

ONE: No one does, that’s why they’re in the book thing.

TWO: The book thing.

ONE: The book depository.

TWO: Are they all planning to assassinate John Kennedy?

THREE: That’s repository.

ONE: What?

THREE: Texas Book Repository. The word’s repository, not depository.

ONE: No, I think it’s depository.

THREE: No.

ONE: No, it’s depository. It’s where you deposit books.

THREE: No, it’s where you reposit… Well okay that doesn’t make sense, but that’s still the word.

TWO: Actually, it’s both.

ONE: What?

TWO: I just looked it up. Depository and repository are synonyms.

THREE: Who thought that was a good idea?

TWO: Probably somebody got it wrong once and was too embarrassed to correct it.

THREE: So he declared the other word a synonym?

TWO: Yup.

THREE: I didn’t know you can do that.

TWO: You can’t. This guy had enough books that he needed a freaking deposit-reposit-thing, though, so he was probably pretty important.

THREE: You know what I’d like?

TWO: What?

THREE: A book suppository.

ONE: …ew.

TWO: Well, you could more literally tell someone to shove a book up their ass.

THREE: And it would certainly make it easier to cram for a literature exam.

ONE: Frankly I prefer the old-fashioned method.

TWO: Studying?

ONE: Osmosis. Now excuse me – I need to go take a nap on top of my copy of Pygmies Of The Pacific Northwest.

THREE: Okay, but if you try my way? Don’t return it to the library.