This is a bald-faced attempt to increase the standing of my NY Times letters when people google my name, because right now the first page is all io9 stuff and that's less shiny.
Why Big Bird Matters
The Girls Next Door
Aiming for College, or for Life?
The Regents Exam That Failed
and, what continues to be my most controversial contribution to the internets:
The X-Files; A Botched Romance
(srsly, the vitriol that followed that letter... it was awesome)
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
Tuesday, October 28, 2008
I learned stuff in college
From: Con
"In the era of post-aboutness in which 'I' is at the same time both dead and resurrected; it is here that we find society begins to question who or what is doing the 'talking'. Of course, what *is* doing the talking: that is, 'what' (or should I say watt?) the pancultural unit of the questioner's power over the questioned; for it is in asking 'What am I talking about?' that the questioner at once accuses himself of madness and compels the prostration of 'am' before the towering phallus of 'I'; thus he inverts the socially prescribed order with the syntactical seduction of questioning."
(Foucault 1980)
--
From: Elizabeth
Date: Tue, Oct 28, 2008 at 1:52 PM
In the era of post-aboutness...
When 'I' is both dead and resurrected....
Society begins to ask: 'who is doing the 'talking'?
But is the question who... or WHAT.
[a light bulb sputters and dies]
[quick flash of a brightly lit interrogation room]
[close up of suspect's face, bruised and battered]
One man's question...
[the Questioner leaning over the suspect]
QUESTIONER: What am I talking about?!
One man's quest...
[the Questioner slumped against a wall, exhausted, with a female hand slinking over his shoulder]
Will lead him to the brink of madness...
[the Questioner locking himself into a straight jacket]
[in a padded room, the Questioner throws himself at the walls]
[the Suspect, manically, grins at the camera]
And through the seduction of questioning...
[against a cement wall, the Questioner violently kisses a woman in a red dress]
Begins the inversion of the socially prescribed order...
[dozens of identical prisoners march in step through a normal suburban street]
[close up on one of the prisoners - it is the Questioner]
To the compelling prostration....
[the rows of prisoners fall to their knees]
[the Questioner lies prostrate, but lifts his head]
[he sees before him an enormous, shining, dominating Letter I ]
[music: Also Sprach Zarathustra]
At the towering phallus of I.
[close-up on an eyeball. it blinks. when the lid re-opens, the eye is bloodied]
Text on screen:
THE TOWERING PHALLUS OF I
June 2009
Brought to you by the letter I and the number i.
Date: Tue, Oct 28, 2008 at 1:26 PM
Subject: Foucault and me.
To: Elizabeth
Dear Liz,Subject: Foucault and me.
To: Elizabeth
WHAT THE HELL?! Books are hard:
(Foucault 1980)
--
From: Elizabeth
Date: Tue, Oct 28, 2008 at 1:52 PM
Subject: Re: Foucault and me.
To: Con
Here, let me parse it for you. Please read the following in the voice of the Movie Trailer Guy.To: Con
In the era of post-aboutness...
When 'I' is both dead and resurrected....
Society begins to ask: 'who is doing the 'talking'?
But is the question who... or WHAT.
[a light bulb sputters and dies]
[quick flash of a brightly lit interrogation room]
[close up of suspect's face, bruised and battered]
One man's question...
[the Questioner leaning over the suspect]
QUESTIONER: What am I talking about?!
One man's quest...
[the Questioner slumped against a wall, exhausted, with a female hand slinking over his shoulder]
Will lead him to the brink of madness...
[the Questioner locking himself into a straight jacket]
[in a padded room, the Questioner throws himself at the walls]
[the Suspect, manically, grins at the camera]
And through the seduction of questioning...
[against a cement wall, the Questioner violently kisses a woman in a red dress]
Begins the inversion of the socially prescribed order...
[dozens of identical prisoners march in step through a normal suburban street]
[close up on one of the prisoners - it is the Questioner]
To the compelling prostration....
[the rows of prisoners fall to their knees]
[the Questioner lies prostrate, but lifts his head]
[he sees before him an enormous, shining, dominating Letter I ]
[music: Also Sprach Zarathustra]
At the towering phallus of I.
[close-up on an eyeball. it blinks. when the lid re-opens, the eye is bloodied]
Text on screen:
THE TOWERING PHALLUS OF I
June 2009
Brought to you by the letter I and the number i.
Thursday, October 2, 2008
Vice Presidential Debate drinking game!
“I do not propose to be buried until I am dead.”
- Daniel Webster, turning down the Vice Presidency
Everyone and their teenage daughter's baby-daddy is writing a drinking game for tonight's debate. Here is mine.
Modulate size of drinks inversely with the size of the Dow.
Palin
Take one drink every time she says:
Soccer mom
Pitbull
Maverick
Reformer
“community organizer”
Small-town values
When Palin claims she said "Thanks but no thanks" to the Bridge to Nowhere: Demand a new drink from your hosts, say "thanks but no thanks," and then when no one's looking, take it anyway, then claim you never wanted it.
1 drink for a relevant reference to 9/11
2 drinks for an irrelevant reference to 9/11
1 drink for each of her children she references by name
When she makes a cute little hand gesture
Or flashes a winning smile
Or gets away with having no answer by being completely adorable
And and
Ah ah
That that
Let me tell ya
Let me get back to ya
I don’t know about that
As soon as you realize she has begun a run-on sentence, chug until she finds a period.
1 drink if she mentions Tina Fey
If she turns out to be Tina Fey in a wig, drink till it’s Saturday night
Biden
Take one drink every time he:
Talks about taking the train
Refers to himself in the third person
Refers to himself by his full name
Name-drops a famous friend
1 drink if he chuckles condescendingly at Palin
2 drinks if he chuckles condescendingly at the moderator
Drink every time you realize that you know 50 times as much about Palin as you do about him
General
Drink every time we hear:
Russia
USSR, two drinks
The Bering Strait, three drinks
Lipstick
Wall Street and Main Street in the same sentence
A pronunciation fumble on Ahmadinejad
Two drinks if he is referred to only by title to avoid pronouncing his name
Henry Kissinger
If Henry Kissinger actually responds, drink till it’s a war crime
1 drink for a relevant reference to 9/11
2 drinks for an irrelevant reference to 9/11
For a completely left-field reference to the Holocaust, invoke Godwin's Law and immediately end the debate. And then drink. A lot.
1 drink every time Biden or the moderator tries very hard to keep a straight face
2 drinks when they fail
If Biden seems condescending, stuffy, or elite, or if he outright laughs at Palin, or if Palin manages to get through the entire debate without seeming like a retarded chipmunk, it’s all over. Move to Canada.
- Daniel Webster, turning down the Vice Presidency
Everyone and their teenage daughter's baby-daddy is writing a drinking game for tonight's debate. Here is mine.
Modulate size of drinks inversely with the size of the Dow.
Palin
Take one drink every time she says:
Soccer mom
Pitbull
Maverick
Reformer
“community organizer”
Small-town values
When Palin claims she said "Thanks but no thanks" to the Bridge to Nowhere: Demand a new drink from your hosts, say "thanks but no thanks," and then when no one's looking, take it anyway, then claim you never wanted it.
1 drink for a relevant reference to 9/11
2 drinks for an irrelevant reference to 9/11
1 drink for each of her children she references by name
When she makes a cute little hand gesture
Or flashes a winning smile
Or gets away with having no answer by being completely adorable
And and
Ah ah
That that
Let me tell ya
Let me get back to ya
I don’t know about that
As soon as you realize she has begun a run-on sentence, chug until she finds a period.
1 drink if she mentions Tina Fey
If she turns out to be Tina Fey in a wig, drink till it’s Saturday night
Biden
Take one drink every time he:
Talks about taking the train
Refers to himself in the third person
Refers to himself by his full name
Name-drops a famous friend
1 drink if he chuckles condescendingly at Palin
2 drinks if he chuckles condescendingly at the moderator
Drink every time you realize that you know 50 times as much about Palin as you do about him
General
Drink every time we hear:
Russia
USSR, two drinks
The Bering Strait, three drinks
Lipstick
Wall Street and Main Street in the same sentence
A pronunciation fumble on Ahmadinejad
Two drinks if he is referred to only by title to avoid pronouncing his name
Henry Kissinger
If Henry Kissinger actually responds, drink till it’s a war crime
1 drink for a relevant reference to 9/11
2 drinks for an irrelevant reference to 9/11
For a completely left-field reference to the Holocaust, invoke Godwin's Law and immediately end the debate. And then drink. A lot.
1 drink every time Biden or the moderator tries very hard to keep a straight face
2 drinks when they fail
If Biden seems condescending, stuffy, or elite, or if he outright laughs at Palin, or if Palin manages to get through the entire debate without seeming like a retarded chipmunk, it’s all over. Move to Canada.
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