Vice Presidential Debate drinking game!

“I do not propose to be buried until I am dead.”
- Daniel Webster, turning down the Vice Presidency

Everyone and their teenage daughter's baby-daddy is writing a drinking game for tonight's debate. Here is mine.

Modulate size of drinks inversely with the size of the Dow.

Palin

Take one drink every time she says:

Soccer mom
Pitbull
Maverick
Reformer
“community organizer”
Small-town values
When Palin claims she said "Thanks but no thanks" to the Bridge to Nowhere: Demand a new drink from your hosts, say "thanks but no thanks," and then when no one's looking, take it anyway, then claim you never wanted it.
1 drink for a relevant reference to 9/11
2 drinks for an irrelevant reference to 9/11
1 drink for each of her children she references by name
When she makes a cute little hand gesture
Or flashes a winning smile
Or gets away with having no answer by being completely adorable
And and
Ah ah
That that
Let me tell ya
Let me get back to ya
I don’t know about that
As soon as you realize she has begun a run-on sentence, chug until she finds a period.
1 drink if she mentions Tina Fey
If she turns out to be Tina Fey in a wig, drink till it’s Saturday night

Biden

Take one drink every time he:

Talks about taking the train
Refers to himself in the third person
Refers to himself by his full name
Name-drops a famous friend
1 drink if he chuckles condescendingly at Palin
2 drinks if he chuckles condescendingly at the moderator
Drink every time you realize that you know 50 times as much about Palin as you do about him

General

Drink every time we hear:

Russia
USSR, two drinks
The Bering Strait, three drinks
Lipstick
Wall Street and Main Street in the same sentence
A pronunciation fumble on Ahmadinejad
Two drinks if he is referred to only by title to avoid pronouncing his name
Henry Kissinger
If Henry Kissinger actually responds, drink till it’s a war crime

1 drink for a relevant reference to 9/11
2 drinks for an irrelevant reference to 9/11
For a completely left-field reference to the Holocaust, invoke Godwin's Law and immediately end the debate. And then drink. A lot.

1 drink every time Biden or the moderator tries very hard to keep a straight face
2 drinks when they fail

If Biden seems condescending, stuffy, or elite, or if he outright laughs at Palin, or if Palin manages to get through the entire debate without seeming like a retarded chipmunk, it’s all over. Move to Canada.